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02:08am 27/12/2009
  Wow, that was an ordeal.

First of all, I am so sorry I haven't posted for YEARS (literally). The funny thing is, once I finally decided I should probably come back and start posting here again, I couldn't remember my password, and the e-mail account I had signed up with was disabled because I hadn't used it in just as long as I hadn't posted...so I couldn't even get my password sent to me :P

But then, a friend told me to just recreate my old e-mail account and that should work. Sounds logical in retrospect. I can't believe I needed someone to tell me :P.

Anyway, this was just a quick post to say I AM still alive.

I can't guarantee how often I'll post, but at least now it's an option again :P

I hope everyone else is good. You should all catch me up on what's been new since I last posted, because I don't think it's even remotely possible to catch up on my own :P haha.
 
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So, after a 32 week absence...   
12:34am 13/08/2007
  I just posted a big rant on a facebook group, and someone suggested getting a blog if I want to rant (she wasn't rude about it...she just suggested it nicely, considering other people were complaining that the group was getting too off topic...), so I figure maybe I SHOULD get back into posting here...

I just kept feeling like it was too late to come back ;) haha.

Anyway, here's my rant...

"Ugh...it's been a long couple of days...

I just feel like ranting...though it won't be much of a RANT, because I have to go to bed soon...but I'll basically just say what I'm frustrated about, and elaborate later...

Well, first of all, I'm sore. Working at the bakery hasn't been too bad (though, in all honesty, it IS my first actual JOB job, so it is having a bit of an effect on me, being on my feet all day...even with the occasional break), but I also had to serve two banquets at a local banquet lodge this week...the first one was on Wednesday (and was for 390 people, so I ended up with 8 tables to serve...one of which I actually could not physically get to for the first half hour because the lodge was so full...ugh), and the second one was last night. So, basically that means that I did two jobs each of those two days...I know I shouldn't be complaining...but believe me, I'm sore...

Second of all, Saturday at the bakery, I had a REALLY hard time dealing with the woman I was working with. At the risk of sounding hypocritical, she was SO judgemental and condescending (I figure by saying this about her, I'm being hypocritical by technically judging her...)...Like, at one point, she asked if I'd ever done the cash at the end of the day (so, filling in the sheet with how much we made, making up the float, and yadda yadda), and I said no (after all, this is my first actual job job) and she said "Oh, okay well I'll show you how to do that today." But then when it came time for it, she just quickly explained, showed me the sheet, and told me to do it myself. I kept saying I'd probably screw it up, etc, and she said "Well, it's just common sense. You graduated high school, didn't you?"

And at one point, when the bakery was COMPLETELY empty, she left for a few minutes, and during those few minutes, the baker asked if I'd help her transfer some dough to another bowl, so when my coworker came back and saw me doing this, she gave me the dirtiest look and said "Have you been helping Evelyn every day?"

So, I held SO much in all day, and just exploded when I got home...now, by the time I got home, I only really had a half hour before the banquet, during which I fought with my mom...who was serving the banquet with me, so the first little bit of the banquet was really horrible...

And then after the banquet, I had a bubble bath, cuz I was SO sore, and then when I was finished, I ran the shower just to wash off the bubbles, and when I went to turn off the tap, it wasn't working...so then my mom FLIPPED out at me, saying I must have done something to screw it up, and that it was gonna cost her a thousand dollars in hot water (she REALLY overexaggerates)...

And, I have OCD...so having a working shower is DEFINITELY important...(and, on the topic of my OCD...a few things about THAT are coming up and complicating things...ugh)

Eventually, she got it fixed, and so, we fought about how she flipped out at me for breaking the shower and saying it was unfixable...and then we basically kept fighting till 3:00 AM...which made me INSANELY tired for church this morning...in addition to feeling like crap because...well...I said some things to her that I'm not proud of...

Then this morning, it happened again, and again, my mom blamed me, so I yelled at her and told her that she if she's so sure that I'm doing something wrong when I'm turning on the taps that she should just turn it on and off for me to have a shower so that I can't get blamed for something I'm not doing wrong...

So, in short...I'm having a bad few days...:(

My mom and I have never really gotten along...but this is just getting ridiculous..:(

(By the way, I honestly couldn't even tell you what I'm hoping to get from this post...I don't want sympathy...and to be honest, with the way I'm treating my mom, I don't deserve any anyway...I think I just needed to rant...)"

So...yeah. That's all...
 
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Last post of 2006   
07:33pm 31/12/2006
  I just wanted a more...last post-y post than my last one :P lol.

Anyway, I will have lots to write about 2006 in the next day or so, when I'm not packing...or I might even have to wait until I get to Victoria, but I will write something :P.

Happy New Year to everyone on my friend list, and I'm sorry I didn't wish you a Merry Christmas :P. Consider this a Merry Belated Christmas :P.

"See" you all in 2007 (Whoa, can you believe it...? lol)
 
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So...close...*breath*   
08:59am 28/11/2006
  I will be leaving my house in 2 hours to walk to the store to get it...I'd post just as I'm about to leave the house, but I'm posting this on a bunch of different places (and still have to do a tiny bit of studying) and I want to make sure I have enough time to walk there, and then catch the bus to school (which is going to get me there 5 minutes late anyway...*blush*...)

Ohhhhhhhhhhmygoodness :D

(I pulled another all-nighter today...but believe it or not, I still have energy to *happy dance* :D:D)
 
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Okay, the entry you've all been waiting for...   
09:09pm 27/11/2006
  I don't think anyone realizes JUST how unbelievably excited I am that the DVD is coming out TOMORROW!!!!

I repeat, TOMORROW!

*Fights urge to sing "Tomorrow" from "Annie"*

*SQUEAKs instead*

Come on in and join the happy dance party :D...

*Happy Dance*

..."You're only a daaaaaaaaaaaaaay awaaaaaaaay...." (Sorry...it was just too tempting :P)
 
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To cross post from the joanofarcadia community:   
09:02pm 26/11/2006
  Two...I repeat, TWO DAYS!!!

This is not a drill...

Does everyone have their money ready or enough credit left on their credit cards?

I know I do...I have my credit card...and a bank card with plenty of Student Loan money to back me up :P...though I should make sure I don't spend the $60 I have out in case the machines aren't working...then again, I also have a cheque book...

I am SO prepared :P

TWO days...give everyone a peace sign for the rest of the day, and you'll know what it means ;)

(This was cross posted, so I know that only one or two people on my friends list will actually be buying it :P)

hehe, I just thought of something...

Tomorrow will be "tomorrow" :P haha...I'm a dork, lol.
 
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I'm running out of subject lines   
12:06am 26/11/2006
  THREE DAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

H...O...L...Y......C...R...A...P!!! :D:D:D:D

I am SO excited it's insane!
 
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OH...MY...GOSH...soclose!   
12:34am 25/11/2006
  Okay...hold up one hand, with all your fingers except your thumb...

That's how many days are left :D:D

Well...technically, I could have gotten it today...but I'm waiting till Tuesday...it doesn't feel right after 131 days of counting down :P...but it IS pretty agonizing knowing it's at the video store, ready for me to just go in and pick it up...

But I can handle it...just four more days...
 
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Still counting down...   
01:57am 23/11/2006
  Well, I'm an hour late for...

SIX DAYS!!! SINGLE SYLLABLES FROM HERE ON!!

So, I guess I'll just have to go with the next step...

FIVE DAYS!!!! I can count on ONE hand!!!! I am SO excited!!!!
 
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HUGE milestone!!!   
11:15pm 21/11/2006
  EEEEEEE :D

1 WEEK!!!! :D:D:D:D:D

I honestly think that's all that needs to be said...lol
 
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Countdown part 3!   
12:15am 21/11/2006
  EIGHT (I repeat, 8!!!!) DAYS!!!

:D:D:D:D:D

and tomorrow will be...

Well, I'll wait till tomorrow...right now, I'll just concentrate on it being...

EIGHT DAYS!!! :D

...:D:D:D
 
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:D:D:D:D The sequel   
11:08pm 19/11/2006
  NINE days!!!! SINGLE DIGITS!!! :D:D:D

*happy dance*

*Squeaks*

:D

(I am SOOO excited :D:D:D. But that's kinda obvious eh?)
 
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:D:D:D:D:D   
06:09pm 18/11/2006
  10 DAYS!!!! (Till Joan of Arcadia Season 2 comes out on DVD)

Those of you who get annoyed by these kind of posts...probably should avoid my livejournal for the next 10 days...lol.

:D:D:D I'm sooooo excited :D
 
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Since this has nothing to do with UVic, I'm posting it here...   
06:40pm 17/10/2006
  Guess what today is...

Four years ago today, I started liking Bob...

I can't believe how long it's been...For the record, I'm not posting this as a "Wow, I've liked him for 4 years" thing. I realized a while ago that I'm never TRULY going to be over him (I'll admit...for the first week at UVic, I secretly hoped he was also going there...), but I also accepted a long time ago that things are done...which means I'm in a perpetual state of limbo on the issue...lol...

Anyway, I just thought I'd point it out considering, even though I'm not "crazy about him" (as someone put it last night) anymore, it was still a huge date for me for a long time, so I think that I at least needed to acknowledge it.

That's pretty much all I had to say...

Though, while I'm here...

ADD silverhart_uvic!!! I only have like, 5 friends over there...it's making me feel pretty pathetic :P lol.
 
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Just a reminder :P   
01:34am 03/09/2006
  I see only three of you have added my silverhart_uvic account...

I've already posted two really detailed entries there :) So you should all check it out. I'll probably be updating more there (and in more detail...)...so add me :P lol.
 
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New journal   
04:03pm 30/08/2006
  I created a new journal specifically for University related stuff. There won't be any duplicate entries between this one and that one, so feel free to add them both.

I'll still be using this one too (like for entries about stuff that has nothing to do with University, for example, if I made an entry like I did on the anniversary of my Grandpa's death while I'm away, that would go in this journal because it's non-University related) but if I'm talking about my classes or people I've met and stuff like that, it'll be at that journal.

So, click: (silverhart_uvic) and add away :D

(Thanks :)...)
 
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In Victoria...Day 1   
11:47pm 29/08/2006
  I just thought I'd let everyone know I made it to Victoria okay...

However, I am SOOO tired (understandably...I only got about 2 or 3 hours of sleep in the last day...) that I actually fell asleep signing in...

So, more about my first day tomorrow...
 
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Wish me a good flight...lol   
01:17am 29/08/2006
 

I leave to go to the airport in about eight and a half hours...

My flight leaves in about ten hours...

I'll be in Victoria in about thirteen hours...

I'm terrified...wish me luck...

 
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3 years...wow...:(   
01:17am 26/08/2006
  Well, my Grandpa passed away officially three years ago...well, in a few hours...(it was about 5:00 in the morning...)

I think I realized why I seem to miss him more than my Grandma who died almost a year earlier...I think it's the fact that with my Grandpa, there was barely any closure...

We had a little reception in his honor, and we spread his ashes out by a lake he liked to camp at...but there was no actual funeral...and by spreading his ashes, it means he has no grave...

I was watching Joan of Arcadia tonight, and it was the one where Joan was instructed to do something that scared her, and she thought it was to join the diving team, but really, it was to accept that her friend was really dead, and officially say goodbye...

During the final scene, when she and her boyfriend go to the cemetary to see her grave, Joan says "I don't want to see her name."

I think it just hit me then, that seeing someone's name on a gravestone is a crucial part of letting go...(although, now that i think about it, I don't think I've ever seen my Grandma's gravestone...I haven't visited her grave in a long time, and the stone wasn't finished yet...But, I did see her name in the little funeral handout...) Though, it is also a bit of a contradiction, because, visiting a grave is also a way of holding on...

So I'm in limbo here, because I never fully got closure...and I can't hold on the normal way...With my Grandma (though I haven't in a while), I could go visit her grave and know that she's still in there...but with my Grandpa...he's actually gone...his ashes were just spread on the ground, and washed away with the first rainfall...I could go back to that place (although, no matter how much I want to, I can't, because it's an hour or so out of town, and even if I had a car, the road there is really dangerous, so I wouldn't trust myself to drive it, especially in that condition...), but I wouldn't be able to feel like any part of him is still there...

I had a dream, probably about a year after he died, maybe a bit more, that he came back, and was alive...and in the dream, there was a perfectly logical explanation (it wasn't just one of those magical "he came back to life" things...) I seem to remember that in the dream, he hadn't actually died. They had shipped him off to a treatment centre in Kelowna, and only told us he was dead...I assume this was so that his dying wouldn't be stretched out if it didn't work, and we'd have closure right away, then if it did work, we'd be pleasantly surprised...

Now, I KNOW that dream wasn't real, so don't go thinking that I told you that because deep down I think there's a possibility he's still alive, but a dream like that really make me WISH that it were possible...

And, I'd say the whole, "I wish I could just see him one more time, just for a few minute" cliche...but that would be a lie...because I'm selfish, and if I just saw him for a few minutes, it wouldn't be enough, and I wouldn't want to let go...

I just miss him so much...

And I think the fact that he died in August makes it a little harder for me...

He didn't get to drive me to my first day of high school...he didn't get to see me off to my first day of grade 12...he didn't get to see me leave for my first day of College...and he's not here to drive me to the airport to leave for University...(and who knows...he may have even been willing to drive me all the way out there...)...

Then again, if he had died in the fall or winter, I'd complain that Christmas and New Year's would be even harder...and if he'd died in the spring, I'd complain that he ALMOST made to to my Graduation...and to see me head off to my prom...(Though, all of those things were hard, no matter when he died...)

And another thing...he was basically my only "Father figure"...yet, he never got to interrogate a potential boyfriend...I know that sounds stupid...but that's always a huge thing...introducing your boyfriend to your father...and I never got to do that...And I can't believe he's never gonna get to walk me down the aisle at my wedding...He's been a great-grandfather manytimes around, but he'll never get to meet my children...

I just can't believe he's been gone three years...so much has happened in three years...and so much is going to happen in the next three...I just wish I could hug him again...especially because (I don't know if any of you remember...), I didn't hug him very much while he was alive...and everyone knows Grandpa's give the best hugs...

RIP Grandpa...I miss you sooooo much :(...
 
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Biting the bullet...   
10:56pm 22/08/2006
 

Okay, it's been over a month since I got home from Calgary, and since then, I've had like, three trips I've needed to update you on...so I think I need to finally force myself to just write it...

I don't know why today...cuz today of all days may not be the best day to write...I had a VERY emotional day...but I'll give it a shot...

Okay, well, since those two paragraphs have been sitting there for about an hour and a half, I figure I should probably get back to writing, lol...

I think, instead of writing full-on recaps of the trips, I'll just write the things that still stick out a month later...

Okay...it's officially like, an hour and a half later (again)...and I never got anything written...well, I had written a bit about Calgary, but realized I'm getting into too much detail, and it'd take me a long time to write the entry if I were writing it all like that, so I'll just write about why my day was so emotional, and then make the trips a separate entry whenever I get it all written...

Basically, today was an emotional roller coaster...I don't think it completely sunk in that I'm LEAVING for University in a week until today...it was my last Bugle Band trip...and I think any readers of this livejournal can see that Bugle Band has been a HUGE part of my life for almost 7 years, so it was an emotional day...

The whole bus ride home, I was pretty blah...not really talking much and all that...and then at one point, I was talking to Rebekah, and somehow, I got on the topic of how I was gonna make last Wednesday's pratice my last practice, but I think I need to come Saturday...then I started crying, and basically cried on and off for the next 2 hours...

During those 2 hours, girls were signing a shirt for me, so when I got it, that made me cry...I wrote in the band journal (which we all write a band journal after an overnight trip), and got some band girls and the chaperones to sign a little autograph book that I am getting people to sign big messages for me to read when I get homesick...

Well, reading them while already upset about leaving band made me even worse...and then the girls who tried to make me feel better when I was crying made it worse...it was a very emotional bus ride...

Also, at the end of trips, when we get back into town, we do a series of "three cheers" things...

So, it goes: 

"Three cheers for the bus driver!" (Girls do three cheers)
"Three cheers for the chaperones!" (Girls cheer)
"Three cheers for Miss Pat!" (Girls cheer)
"Three cheers for US!" (Girls cheer...typically louder than the other ones)

Well, it's always the most senior girl on the bus who starts those, and I'm the most senior (and the oldest by I think two years)...so it was my job to yell those...

Well, I think I lasted until the last one...while yelling that one out, I got choked up and started crying...

Then, when we get a few blocks from the school, we sing:

"Hey bus driver, speed up a little bit, speed up a little bit, speed up a little bit.
Hey bus driver, speed up a little bit, we all wanna go hooooome."

(Then the following other verses (where just the "speed up a little bit" is changed to the following): "pedal to the metal", "burn rubber", "floor it", "we could walk faster," and "there goes a snail.")

Again, most senior girl leads it...

Well, that REALLY got me crying...cuz for the "we all wanna go hoooome" part, I know it sounds stupid, but going home means my last trip would be over, and I didn't wanna let go yet...so I started each verse, and just let the girls sing the rest...because I couldn't sing it on my own...

Now, as if all this emotion wasn't enough...while we were unloading the bus, I got in a fight with a chaperone about the most logical way to unload the bus (and although it pisses me off when people are closed minded like I'm about to be...I know I was right, and she just wouldn't fricking listen to me.)...I've been in band for about 6 years longer than she's been a chaperone, so although she DOES have authority to tell me what I can and cannot do, she should at least take my years of experience into account...believe me, my way was completely efficient, and she wouldn't even let me explain it...The only chaperone that ever loaded the buses was Mrs. Crawford (and Miss Pat helped on this trip), and on the Cross Canada trip ALONE we (the band) loaded the bus either every day or every second day for TWO AND A HALF WEEKS...I think I know what I'm talking about...*profanity* :P

And earlier that day, that chaperone's daughter had basically made a comment about my weight...

I mean, it was my last trip, I did NOT need extra shit like that. I was already upset enough...I was so tempted to go up to them and say "Thank you for ruining my last trip." but I did not want to stoop to that level...

Then, if all this wasn't enough, my favorite left on Canadian Idol was voted off tonight...

I know that's not a big deal to anyone, but it was to me...and her send-off (video of her journey/words to her fans/final song) were so amazingly heartwarming...It was definitely not the end I wanted to have to my day...(the her getting voted off part)...so, I was pretty emotional all day...

Like I said at the beginning...I don't think it really hit me until today that I'm LEAVING...so this week is going to be really hard...

Anyway, trip updates coming soon...believe me, I wanna tell you all about my summer, and I'm sorry it's taken me so long to get around to it...

 
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